The Destruction from Adultery-Part 4

This is the fourth chapter of this life experience I am sharing with you that is very personal and soul bearing.  I entrust this experience to you with the confidence that you will not be judgmental, or think any differently of me, but will have an open and learning heart through the telling of this story.  We are all tempted to sweep the dirtiest, ugliest parts of our lives under the rug in the hopes that no one will see it.  That somehow if it is never mentioned, it can be forgotten like it never happened.  I'm sharing it with you in the hopes that I can help prevent someone else from living through this horrific experience themselves. 

I grew up in  a Christian home and accepted Christ at a very young age.  I married a devout Catholic.  We were very different in this area.  I eventually gave up trying to do both, so I became Catholic after our daughter was born.  It just wasn't the same experience I was used to, so I slowly pulled away and didn't have much of a relationship with Jesus.  I just continued to do things on my own.  I had become a Carnal Christian.  If you are not familiar with that term, it means I accepted Christ, but I still lived life as a part of this world.  Remember the drinking?  Parties, fowl language, late nights out, hangovers.....ugliness.  There was no room for Jesus.  What is even more shameful is that I told people I was a Christian, and yet this was the behavior I showed.  I was the worst witness for Christ ever.

So when temptation found me, I was an easy target.  I had no shield of faith to protect me, I had no scripture in my mind to ward off the evil thoughts of my desire, and I had no accountability.  My conscience had gone silent and numb.

Let me be very clear.  I do not believe that God abandoned me, but rather I had shut him out of my life.  You see, God doesn't come into your heart uninvited, and he certainly will not assert himself into your life when you  are drowning in the consequences of poor choices.  He grieves over you and for you.  He waits, and he waits for you to cry out his name so he can reach down and hold you and pick you up off the floor.   But he will not intervene when you are engaging in your own free will.

As you've read previously, my world came crashing down and I hit rock bottom.  I was in a place so low, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate.  I went from a size 10 to a size 4 in just 2 months.  Depression and anxiety were reeking havoc on my body and mind.

My brother suggested a church in town that he knew had a great young adult ministry.  He and his wife went along with me the first time, and I was completely blown away.  I re-committed to attending church every week.  It is kind of funny looking back on now, because I was already married/had a daughter/divorced before most of the people attending had ever had a serious relationship.  They didn't know quite how to react to me.  But I was immediately invited to join a small group, and they were a life-saver.  Several women from that first small group are still some of my best friends.

So I continued to reach out to God.  I grieved over my wretched sin and life-altering mistakes.  God was faithful.  He is always faithful!  He was with me every step of the way through my recovery.  He gifted me with relationships that truly blessed my life and my daughter's.  She was an adorable 4 year old at the time and everyone loved this little blond bundle of energy.

I have attended this same church ever since. My spiritual walk with the Lord has grown to something I never thought possible.   I eventually met my current husband at this church. (That is a story for another time, but an awesome showcase of God's love and redemption.)

To be continued.......tomorrow my final thoughts.

Protecting Your Marriage

~Don't leave God out of your life or marriage.  He should be at the center at all times.
~I am a very firm believer in christians marrying christians.  Being yoked with an unbeliever can be a constant struggle and strain on a marriage.(Read this post for more on this subject)